Isolation is a form of hiding from the world. It is based on fear and mistrust and forces one to face the world alone. Isolation may come when there are periods of intense loss, change, or uncertainty during which an individual has little support or guidance. I have found that isolation is common among teens and young adults who do not have healthy parental relationships and have yet to find other adult guides or mentors. Unlike solitude, isolation follows and stays with one even when moving through the outside world. One can be in the middle of a public gathering and still feel completely alone.
Isolation says that I am separate. I am separate from a world of safety, happiness, and connection. Isolation says that safety and solace exist in the world, but I am not a part of it. I am trapped. I am enclosed in the shell of my own mind and body and cannot reach outside of myself for connection. There are days when isolation says that reaching outside of oneself is not safe. Other days, one is simply not capable or worthy. Isolation spins a web and keeps one trapped in the impossible world of going at it alone.
Despair is the darkness that has no other side. It overwhelms one’s entire perspective of the world. If isolation is feeling trapped and unable to connect with happiness, then despair is the inability to believe that happiness is even possible. Despair is the hopelessness that can have one wishing for death. For many, it leads to death through suicide.
Healing through Meditation, Sangha & Deep Listening
This being human is a savage thing. It can also be wondrous and beautiful, but it is savage. Our current state of affairs is no exception. We are at crisis point. If we are to survive, if we are to survive with bodies, minds, and souls intact, then we must learn to hold and nurture our pain. We must learn to be with and walk through the darkness without lashing out to harm ourselves and others.
My most powerful ally in transforming difficult emotions and mind states has been kind and gentle awareness. Cultivating a presence of compassionate understanding and the willingness to sit through the difficult moments is powerful enough to transform not only inner conflict, but societal conflict as well. Over the past six years Stephen Levine has been one of my main guides in using healing meditation to understand and transform grief. He uses words like ‘mercy’ and physical descriptions such as ’soft belly’ to guide his students through grief and despair. Healing meditation is a simple yet profound healing method.
Sitting in quiet meditation, led by either our inner voice or that of a guide, we come into contact with our grief, isolation, and despair. It is in this gentle space that we begin to reframe our relationship to the darkness. Through the process we gain the strength and presence to befriend our dark emotions rather than being consumed and overpowered by them. We see and understand the nuances of their voices and how they ripple forth throughout our lives. We see our hidden fears and places of hiding. We hold space for all that wishes to be seen and as those stories are told, they leave behind our strength and wholeness.
We are in essence offering love to our wounds, treating them as our only child in need of great care and understanding. We are offering ourselves to their voices and letting their voices be heard. Here we see the deception of the mind which stands between the dark and the light. We are told that if we enter the darkness, if we do not suppress and move away from it, we will be overcome. But running creates struggle and struggle only casts a wider net of fear and confusion. When the voices come, our most empowering choice is to let them be heard and to learn to respond with kindness and compassion.
Sangha is one of the Buddha’s three jewels and refers to spiritual community. I use the word to describe either healing or spiritual community. A great deal of my grief, isolation, and despair was perpetuated by the very real loneliness of my circumstance. I was without family and community for many years. Through that experience I have come to believe that no amount of inner strength will fully compensate for a lack of external love, guidance, and support. We are social beings and we need one another to nurture, grow, and heal.
Sadly, our world is no longer set up to support one another at such a deep level. Broken homes are the norm and places of safety, such as churches and community centers, are struggling to survive. Rebuilding safe community that nurtures our minds, bodies, and spirits is an absolute necessity. How long will we allow our children to live on the streets and fend for themselves before we rally around them and offer a place of solace and support?
Jack Kornfield, a prominent Western Buddhist teacher, speaks with a voice of deep kindness and compassion. In a talk about forgiveness he tells the story of a place in Hawaii where there used to be a temple of forgiveness. When someone acted in a manner that was harmful to themselves or another, rather than being punished or cast out, they would be taken to the forgiveness temple for healing and celebration. At the end of the story Jack asks, “What would it be like if there were temples of forgiveness in our society?” My question has always been, “Why don’t we build them and find out?”
At the root of both meditation and sangha lies deep listening. We rarely give either ourselves or one another that gift. Even after years of practice I often find myself in conversation planning out my response rather than fully listening to the voice at hand. But deep listening is just that, it is a practice. It is a practice that takes much time and patience to develop, but it is the crux of any spiritual or healing path. Letting go of the voices and ideas that we are in the habit of listening to, in favor of something deeper, in an attempt to contact the underlying current, is a practice of deep surrender. Deep listening is the willingness to sit still and be with and acknowledge the value of all that arises.
Deep listening is our path to contacting and living in accord with our true nature. No matter who or what tells us we are separate and alone, no matter where that voice originates from or where it attempts to lead, it is a fallacy. Our deepest truth lies in our inseparable nature. Learning to rest in gentle silence and deeply listen to whatever arises, shows the transitory nature of any sense of separation and brings forth the clear light of love, compassion, and awareness. A deep connection to oneself leads to a deep connection with all of life. One of my favorite phrases when encountering difficulty is to simply say, “We’re all in this together.” It instantly reminds me of my connection to all life and alleviates emotions and mind states related to a sense of separation.